My Story of Restoration

Four years have passed since I wrote on this blog. So much can take place in four years. It has taken me a long time to write again but I want to share some of my story with you.  After going through a hard season it can feel difficult to do the things that you used to do. You feel like a different person because pain and beauty change you. Four years ago I did not realize that God was fulfilling a long sought out prayer – “Purify me Lord. Heal me.” I was in the beginning of a healing process I had been crying out for.

In the beginning of this journey He gave me Jeremiah 30:17 as a promise. It says, “For I will restore you to health And I will heal you of your wounds,’ declares the LORD, ‘Because they have called you an outcast, saying: “It is Zion; no one cares for her.”‘ ♥

After my first semester of college many of my struggles started to come to the surface. College has a way of showing you things about yourself that you did not know. I realized how co-dependent I was on others; how overly responsible I felt for people who were not my responsibility. My life was built around the needs of others under the guise of ministry and good works. I loved God with all my heart but I had no idea just how much He loved me.

My identity was wrapped up in what I could do for God not what He had done for me. I was trying to earn His love and did not even realize it. 

When my unhealthy and co-dependent behaviors landed me in an emotionally and verbally abusive relationship all my issues came to the surface. I went from being a very happy and vibrant person to depressed, discouraged and ashamed. Because I been doing ministry so long I had no idea how much of my identity was built up by approval of man and performing for God. My heart was broken because I felt like I had failed God. I had all these grand plans of how things would be when I would go off to school. I planned to go and pursue God and not get involved with anyone unless I knew it was God. Satan was sneaky. I became friends with an individual with no intention of a relationship, just to be there for them as a friend.

What I did not realize was that I was just a broken as they were. I had hurts from my past that were festering and needed healing. After being emotionally and verbally abused I felt like I was unworthy of love. I had hurt this person and I had become distracted.  I was covered in shame. I lived under shame because I was bound in religion. God was not shaming me. I was shaming myself.

Not only did I need healing but I needed deliverance from performing for love. After going through counseling and receiving God’s love I have received healing in the areas where I was abused and from previous issues from my childhood. All of us have areas that we need healing. Healing is a process. Freedom is a process as well.

Many people do not realize that for every wound that you receive it comes with a lie. Wounds are the perfect opportunity for the enemy to whisper his lies into our lives. He had been whispering for a long time before I went to college. That was just the culmination of every wound I had previously received. No matter how great my parents tried to raise me I was still hurt along the way.

I did not always process those wounds well. I came to believe that I was most lovable when I did well and accomplished much. That affected my relationship with God. I believe He loved me more when I did more. When I messed it up I believed He withdrew Himself. Before college I felt very close to Him because I felt I was doing all the right things most of the time. My relationship was based on my works not His finished work at the cross. 

Thankfully God took me on a journey of recovery and freedom. He set my free from depression, anxiety and shame. His love has restored my purpose and given my back my joy. He has shown me that my worth, value and identity were truly settled at the cross. His love is truly UNCONDITIONAL. It is not just a good idea.

He has shown me that religion will kill you but Jesus will heal you.

This journey was a process that I want to share with all of you! If you are walking through depression, anxiety, loneliness, suicide and feeling disconnected from the Father these posts are for you. The first key is understanding your identity in Jesus as the righteousness of God and learning to receive His love. Most people do not understand righteousness or what it even means to be righteous. This was the first thing God started to teach me during my healing process and it has changed my life.

There is hope. There is healing! You will not feel this way forever. Remember that promise He gave me from Jeremiah 30:17?

For I will restore you to health And I will heal you of your wounds,’ declares the LORD, ‘Because they have called you an outcast, saying: “It is Zion; no one cares for her.” ♥

God is more passionate about our healing and freedom than even we are! My life is proof that God is faithful to heal and restore every part of our lives. He is still doing it! Feel free to comment below and share your testimonies and struggles!

Much love,

His Shameless Daughter Nellie


The freedom of staying in love

The most beautiful things in life are felt with every fiber of our being. Sunlight on bare skin and the warmth of a friend’s love – these are some of the things we have the freedom to enjoy or at least we should. We long to live and live to the fullest. Excitement and adventure are things we desperately long for. Life should be beautiful right? It should be full. Those memories of laughter and joy seem to evade us in struggle of every day life. Work, family, school and whatever else fills up our days seem to consume our hearts. Where is the joy of simply being alive? Where is the peace that should accompany us as we go about our day? Where is the happiness and freedom we use to feel as children?

I have come to combat the lie that as we get older life gets more boring and less beautiful. Life is suppose to be an adventure. You are meant to be as free as a child dancing in the rain. The years are meant to be beautiful not full of fear, regret, and stress. Freedom is your destiny.

I am 19 going on 20. I am not very old but I have been through many different things. I have been through. I have felt joy and I have felt sorrow. I have come through seasons of my life of pain that I thought would never end. My tears seemed to be my life during that time and I hated it. My personality is a bubbly, care free one. I love laughing and especially when there is no reason to laugh at all accept at the beauty of being alive. So, when I was going through an intense time of pain I had to believe that I would laugh again. My heart had to go back and remember why she was so happy. Why had I been so alive on the inside? What had been my source of joy and happiness for so long? It was not people – they were unstable. It was not things – I have never been very materialistic. It was something beautiful that made me feel beautiful.

It was someone. It was Jesus.

I had built my life around Him. Growing up I saw the beauty and freedom of loving Him first. I watched Him put hearts back together and heal broken bodies. He became my First Love – literally. When I was 13 going on 14 I decided to pursue Him and not just admire Him from a distance. I wanted to be in love with this Man who was completely in love with me. This became the source of all my happiness and joy. I did encounter hurt along the way, don’t misunderstand what I am saying. Pursuing Jesus did not erase hurt or pain in my life – it gave me a Best friend to confide in and a Beloved to hold me when I needed it the most. My love relationship with Him helped me deal with the stress of family situations and broken friendships. When I got alone with Him He revealed His heart to me. He showed me how to believe for what looked impossible to the natural mind. He loved me and still loves me like no other.

Staying in love with Jesus gave me the joy of living. Going after Him and letting Him chase after me gave me the adventure of a lifetime.

It was when I neglected our relationship that I found myself becoming distracted and fearful. I found my self settling for a life motivated by fear instead of perfect love. My life became a nightmare that I could not escape. Jesus is life and outside of Him is death. Staying in love with Jesus meant daily seeking His heart like I would in any other relationship. Relationships take time and devotion. We spend time with those we love and enjoy. He is the most enjoyable person that ever walked the earth.

When I came to Him and laid down all the hurt and offense in my heart, I found freedom again. I have realized that freedom looks like saying YES to God. Freedom is a yes. Really? Is it that simple? Yes. Freedom begins in our lives as we say yes to being in a covenant relationship with Him. Why? In His presence is FULLNESS of joy (Psalm 16:11).

His question to us is, “Will you live life with Me? Will you be My best friend and beloved? I want to be your everything. I want to give you abundant life. Will you let Me delight in you and you in Me, for now and eternity?

Everyday I am choosing to say yes to Him. Everyday I am growing more in love with Him. It is truly an adventure loving Jesus. As I choose Him I see my dreams coming to pass. I am more alive than I have ever been. I love who I am more than I ever have. My security in Jesus is stronger than ever. I have found my joy.

So today, I am challenging you to say YES; to love Him with your life. Apart from Him there is no life at all and in Him there is life beyond your wildest dreams. Go back to your First Love and let Him romance you again. This is life beloved! He causes the dead things – dreams, family relationships, desires, and visions – to awake and be restored. In Him we must live, move and have our being. Ask Him to awaken love in your soul for He is already burning with love for you.

You are His child of freedom. You are loved with an everlasting love. You are His beloved.

May joy flood your life as you seek Him,

Nellie Martin

Her Adequacy

So many times in life we feel inadequate; our pasts hanging in the back of our mind and our flaws focusing in on us like a sharp shooter. Some days we feel beautiful and some days we do not. This roller coaster of emotions drives us crazy and we wonder, “Will I ever feel beautiful again?”

You will and you are.

Our worth has been under attack from the evil one since the Garden of Eden. The serpent lied to Eve telling her that if she ate the forbidden fruit she would be like God but WAIT… She was already like God. She was made in His image. The man and woman both were made in God’s likeness. The enemy began to make her doubt her worth by planting lies in her mind. If he could make her doubt her worth, he could cause her to give up her position of royalty. Due to believing these lies she gave up her position as a princess of God. Satan is the father of lies and he wants to take away our position as daughters of God. He will send people or things to discourage us. Hurtful words from others can really do damage to our identity if we do not know who we are and whose we are. It is important that we listen to Jesus and Jesus alone! There are many voices pulling on us every day– friends, family, media, our own mind, and the enemy. This is why the Apostle Paul wrote in Romans 12:2 saying,

“Be not conformed to this world: but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, acceptable, and perfect will of God.”

Everything you do flows from what you think.  If we think like the world and not like Christ we cannot know or live in God’s will for our lives. That is why Paul told the Church of Rome to let God transform them by renewing the way they think. How do we do this? We must consume our minds and hearts with Jesus. As we begin to live our lives before Jesus, always seeking Him and loving Him, our hearts begin to long for what He longs for and our thoughts line up with His Word.

Abba Father wants you to know your worth. He does not want you seeking it from people or things. The only way to know your worth is to know the one that gives it! Are you daily getting to know Jesus better? Are you reading His Word and applying it to your life? Jesus is your Prince and He desires that you truly live in peace. Apart from Him there is no peace and there is no worth. He came to give life and life more abundantly.

Depression and fear are NOT a part of God’s plan for His children. Fear is a spirit and the Word says,

“For God has not given us a spirit of fear but of power, love, and a sound mind.”

The original Greek word for the word sound is the word “sozo.” Sozo in Greek means wholeness, healing, deliverance, and salvation. This is the same word used in John 3:17, where Jesus said He came that the world might be saved. Jesus came not just to save you from sin but to heal you from its effects upon your life. His death means you can now think and live in the light of His love! No more fear. No more insecurity. No more lies. You have a new identity!

You can now be confident no matter what you have done because Jesus has made you pure through His blood on the cross. He has covered you with His radical, unending, beautiful love. His love has made you beautiful! So yield to Him all the contents of your heart. Offer up to Him your hurts, your past mistakes, your present struggles, and everything you do not understand. Ask Him to heal your heart from any wounds people have inflicted upon you. Forgive those that have attacked you and bless them with your mouth (Matthew 5). Jesus is your healing. He is your rest and He makes all things new in His presence.

Give yourself to Him and as you do, He will mend your brokenness and give you beauty for ashes. No one can stay the same in the presence of Jesus for He is life, healing, peace, joy, and love. I know how it feels to be broken but I know that my brokenness does not faze Him. He is bigger than my pain!

Here are some simple ways to find renewed confidence and worth in Jesus:

  • Worship Him: turn on your favorite worship music and pour out your heart before Him. Peace will flood your heart and He will speak His love over you!
  •  Read the Word of God: the Bible is God’s written words! There are truths in the Word that will set you free once you believe them and speak them over your life. Ask God to lead you by His Spirit to what He wants to say to you in His Word. He will speak when you ask and believe!!! This will help your mind to think His thoughts instead of the lies of the enemy.
  • Talk with Jesus: prayer is simply talking with God. When you talk things out with Him and cry out before Him, He will bring His healing to your heart. Prayer is power when we believe in the one we are talking to! Jesus wants your pain; tell Him about it. Jesus wants to embrace you!
  •  Renounce the lies: When the enemy or people speak negative things into your life, refuse to listen to them and counterattack the lie with truth. When the enemy says to you that you are not beautiful say, “I am fearfully and wonderfully made! I may not feel beautiful but I am! Jesus makes no mistakes.” Your heart and mind will line up with your words.
  •  Meditate on beautiful things: Do not relive your past in your mind. This is easier said than done but when you meditate on the wrong things you feel the wrong things. What you feel is a product of what you think. Think about it, if you think about your struggles and your past mistakes it will discourage you but if you think about His love for you it will empower you. You cannot rise above what you think and believe.

God is doing so much healing and restoration in my heart through these simple tools. Song of Solomon, Psalms, Isaiah, John, Ephesians, Colossians, Galatians, and Philippians are just a few encouraging books of the Bible that will lift you up as you read them! You are loved, pursued, wanted, cherished, and forgiven. Jesus is your adequacy. You are enough in Him for He has paid the highest price! Rest in His love that your joy may be full (John 15).

Here is a sample prayer to pray to help release your heart from fear to faith in what God says about you:

“Abba Father I thank you for Your Son Jesus and the price He paid. His death paid for my complete freedom! I give my heart, mind, and body to Jesus. I yield to His complete control over my life! I choose to think His thoughts and meditate on His love for me. I am not what the world says that I am or what even people say I am. I am loved. I am cherished. I am wanted. I am righteous in Christ Jesus. I have the mind of Christ and I listen to His Word alone! I forgive those that have hurt me and release them to you! Thank you for healing my heart and removing any bitter root. Give me a passion for your presence and a passion for your Word. Make me into the woman I am called to be. I am Yours! I choose you now and for eternity in Jesus name! Amen!”



Be blessed Princess of God,

Nellie Martin

That Sacred Romance

So, I love romance. I always have. When I see a love story preview on TV something inside me stirs. I am a natural romantic. I have always dreamed of the day when some man will take my hand in his and love me forever.

I have dreamed of the wedding dress, the flowers, the dancing, and the man. I have dreamed. It seems the older I get the more I dream and long for some one to share the passions of my heart with.

Have I forgotten that the romance has already begun? That those longings can be satisfied now. Yes, now. Even the loneliness can be satisfied.

Even as singles we can have a crazy, beautiful, and exciting relationship.

I am already in love with an amazing Man. My heart longs for His nearness, my heart sings His name, and my spirit is desperate for His words.

“Christianity was never meant to be something we do only twice a week. When God sent His Son He was thinking of a divine romance between His heart and the hearts of men and women. He was thinking of a holy love affair with you.”

And this is a REAL relationship. Jesus isn’t just some mystical being in the sky. He is someone that is actually pursuing the hearts of men and women. He is longing for relationship with us.

I see alot of people pursuing relationships with the opposite sex instead of Jesus because they want romance, and they want love. We were made for it no doubt but before Adam met Eve, Adam met God. He walked with God in the garden, they were the best of friends, Creator and creation.

Your relationship with Jesus Christ will forever determine the rest of your relationships. How you love Him is how you will love your spouse. How you treat Him is how you will treat your spouse.

Are you hungry for relationship? Are you thirsty for love?
Jesus :

  • Satisfies you
  • Heals you
  • Romances you
  • Brings delight
  • Holds you
  • Laughs with you
  • Dances with you
  • Sings over you
  • Kisses away your tears
  • Watches over you
  • Leads you
  • Loves you

I could go on and on. They say Jesus isn’t enough, but I can say they are absolutely wrong. Even when I feel hungry for a relationship I run back to Him, I run into His embrace and I dance with Him. I sing for Him. I lose myself in His eyes.

I read once where it said that, “Loneliness is God’s call for friendship time with you.”

Do you think God is holding out on you? Do you think you are never going to know how it feels to be loved? God wants you first for Himself. His name is Jealous.

“For the Lord thy God is a consuming fire, even a Jealous God.” ~Deuteronomy 4:24

“For as the bridegroom rejoices and delights over the bride, so shall thy God rejoice over thee.” ~Isaiah 62:5

“Wherefore, my brethren, you have become dead to the law by the body of Jesus Christ; that you should be married to another, even to Him who is raised from the dead, that we should bring forth unto God.” ~ Romans 7:4

God wants a Bride for His Son, and He will do whatever it takes to get her. YOU are a part of that bride.

Isaiah 54:5 says, “Your Maker is your Husband. The Lord of hosts is His name; and your Redeemer the Holy One of Israel; the God of the whole earth shall He be called.”

Being saved is not the point of Christianity, loving Jesus is. So, let’s fall in love, let’s take Him at His Word. He wants us. Ask Him to give you a passion for His Word, a hunger for His presence, and a love for all He is. He will do it.

A great friend of mine told me of an awesome way to do my devotion time. It’s called SOAP.

Scripture – read a passage, it doesn’t have to be long, just find something that sparks your attention. Jesus is the Word of God. You are getting to know Him!
Observe – observe what is going on in the passage. What is God saying to your heart? What are the key points?

Apply – Application is everything. Apply what God is saying to you in your life. If He speaks on serving, well, start serving. If He says, “Stop being rude.” Well, stop.

Prayer – Prayer is simply talking with Jesus. Talk to Him about what He is saying to you. Ask Him for grace and strength. He listens and He will reply!

As in any relationship there has to be communication, times alone together, and love.

Come close to Him, tell Him whats on your heart. Lose yourself in Him and the rest shall be added unto you!

With love in Christ,

His lady in waiting

“I wanna make you feel wanted…”

“…I wanna kiss your lips, I wanna make you feel wanted.”

Oh, to be wanted. It is probably one of the most desired things in life. Everyone wants to know they are wanted for who they are and that they are appreciated. Being pursued by someone you love just thrills you. We were made with the desire to be wanted. We dress to impress. We live to be loved. It’s the way we are.

To say the least we want to be noticed.

“I wonder if I even cross his/her mind? Does he/she like me for who I am? OMG he/she texted me!!! My night is made!”

If we think back to the Garden, God said that it wasn’t good that man be alone. God made Eve, a woman to compliment his weak points and help him in life. When Adam saw Eve He said, “Bone of MY bone, flesh of MY flesh.”

She was perfect for him. He wanted her desperately.

See, we desire for someone to see us and exclaim in their heart, “Wow, you are just what I want. You are just what I need.” There is someone Who has been saying that since the beginning of time.

Jesus Christ. Sweet Jesus, the man of Nazareth, the Crucified One, and the Lover of mankind. He came down from heavenly bliss to earthly sorrow because of a deep want for you.

Ya, He wants you.

Jesus thinks you are just right for Him because He sees you through eyes of love, covered in His blood. There has been someone pursuing your heart even before you were conceived.

We find ourselves sometimes hurt and confused when people we love don’t love us in return. We want to know someone sees our worth. When people leave us we wonder, “Is there something wrong with me???”
You have worth, you are captivating, and you have RAVISHED the heart of God.

Sometimes I feel unwanted by people, left behind, and forgotten. Oh, but then I look. I look into the eyes of Jesus. They burn with love for me. There is a mighty flame of desire for me, burning in those eyes. That flame was the fire that drove Him to the Cross of Calvary. That love, ohhhh the love of Jesus. He is there holding me, romancing my heart, and teaching me His ways! He is the Bridegroom of our hearts!!! You need to taste of that love, and when you do nothing else will satisfy!

When I find myself wanting to be noticed, wanting someone to just smile at me, I remember His words, “I have inscribed you on the palms of My hands, never to forget you…I have loved you with an everlasting love…with cords of love I have drawn you…you have ravished My heart…you have stolen my heart with one look from your eyes..”

No, I can’t imagine a better love. It has been proven. So when I desire to be wanted, I pour that out on His feet. I break open my alabaster box like that lady that came to Jesus at Simon’s house. I pour all my love, all my affection, and every desire for a relationship on Him.

I say, “Here is every desire, here is my want for affection and love. I need You. I want to love You more. Satisfy this longing heart. Let me lose myself in You. Romance this heart!”

When she broke her alabaster box, it was actually her saying to Jesus, “I dedicate all I am to You. I am Yours. Let me be Your Beloved.” In Jewish history when a man would propose to a woman she would break her alabaster box at his feet signifying that she accepted his hand in marriage. This was an extravagant and wild act. Everyone called it a waste but Jesus was moved with compassion and desire.

Jesus knows your desire for relationship, love, and marriage. Give those desires to Him. Offer it to Him as a sacrifice. He rewards the diligent seeker and those who have faith in Him. He has a plan for you. Trust Him to lead you to your spouse. The best way to get to your mate is to seek Jesus. HE is the way to them.

During this time of waiting He is

  • preparing your heart
  • teaching you how to love Him first
  • growing the fruit of love in your life
  • making you a man/woman after His heart
  • removing lies and healing wounds
  • giving you His wisdom

Singleness is a GREAT blessing. Embrace it sweetheart. Jesus is your FIRST love and will be your last love. Don’t worry, your Adam or Eve is on their way. Enjoy this time of it just being you and Jesus! He is crazy beautiful. He is life! Celebrate the love He has offered you! Accept His offering, break open your alabaster box on His feet. He won’t refuse you.

Love you,

His lady in waiting

Real Sex

Sex, oops did I say that? Today I am going to talk to you about sex, real sex. The kind we all want but we don’t know we want it. We know about it, we hear about it, and we think about it.The funniest thing is everyone is talking about it except the Church, but God is crazy about sex.

He MADE it.

The first command He gave Adam and Eve was to go have sex. Funny right? Guys, the first thing Adam said when he saw Eve was “bone of my bone, flesh of my flesh, I shall call her woman”. To say the least he liked her body, it fit his perfectly and he was quite pleased. She was made for him, he found satisfaction in her touch. He loved her, and God gave her to him. But before they had sex, God blessed their union. He brought two individuals together and made them one. I like what the Message Bible says out of

1 Corinthians 6:16-20 “There’s more to sex than mere skin on skin. Sex is as much spiritual mystery as physical fact. As written in Scripture, “The two become one.” Since we want to become spiritually one with the Master, we must not pursue the kind of sex that avoids commitment and intimacy, leaving us more lonely than ever—the kind of sex that can never “become one.” There is a sense in which sexual sins are different from all others. In sexual sin we violate the sacredness of our own bodies, these bodies that were made for God-given and God-modeled love, for “becoming one” with another. Or didn’t you realize that your body is a sacred place, the place of the Holy Spirit? Don’t you see that you can’t live however you please, squandering what God paid such a high price for? The physical part of you is not some piece of property belonging to the spiritual part of you. God owns the whole works. So let people see God in and through your body.”

To say the least God made sex to bond two people together but gave it a twist. He created your body to react with pleasure when you come together with your spouse. He created the oh so bad word called orgasm. I remember first hearing that word and thinking what in the world is that. Its like taboo in the Church to mention such a thing. I beg to differ, orgasm is a beautiful thing God created for two people. But Sex is not about orgasm, or at least it shouldn’t be.

I heard someone say in a TV interview that he has to, “test drive a car before he buys it. How will I know if she is good in bed? I wouldn’t want a wife who isn’t good in bed.” Our culture has made sex about US, but sex is a time to give and as we all when give you SHALL receive. Personally, I do not want the kind of sex where all the guy wants is pleasure out of me and to satisfy his craving body.

Please, I am not a toy. When sex is about performance there is pressure, there is shame, and there is fear. I do not want to feel like I have to perform, do I look like a machine? I am woman. Sex should be about intimacy, it should be about giving to the other person because you love them, and sex should be without shame or fear. I know women who have been having sex since they were fifteen and they have yet to experience intimacy.

What is intimacy anyhow? Intimacy is being known in every way. It is knitting together of two hearts, two bodies, two spirits. It is sharing each others passions, each others pain and it is commitment.

Sex outside of covenant relationship is void of commitment and love. It is not an act of love to give to another but to satisfy one’s own lustful desires.

“Lets do it….run through it…yay…thanks babe.” HOW SELFISH IS THAT?

So can I confess? I have a favorite sex scene. This love story is so steamy it is even written in the Holy Bible. Song of Solomon is the most passionate book I have ever read. It is so pure and hilarious I crack up reading it. This is why I do not understand how “sex” is a bad word in the Church. Sex was so passionate between Solomon and his Shulamite bride.

He and she both go on a rampage about how fine their beloved is. They found pleasure in each other, it was beautiful. There was no shame. God only blesses sex inside marriage. I think it is ironic that only people who have sex outside of marriage get STD’s. Did you know there is a hormone called oxytocin that goes off in the brain when you have sex? It is called the bonding hormone. It gives feelings of closeness and connection. Sex is quite powerful and outside of marriage very destructive. Inside marriage there is oneness but outside there are soul ties, addictions to that person, and devastation.

Before I go any further I am going to say this, I am an 18 year old virgin. I am not the least bit sexually frustrated, horny, and I am very straight. And to top it all off, I am excited about having sex with my husband and knowing him intimatley.

The world offers me this picture of people ripping clothes off quite dramatically, popping cherries, and getting a maybe 15-20 second high. I am not in the least saying that pre-martial sex isn’t enjoyable, but is it satisfying? Does it make you feel like you honored God and the person you are with? Do you feel dirty? You may feel cool and you may feel wanted, but are you loved?

There is something so hot about the kind of sex where you are not just wanted for your body but to be known for your heart. There is something beautiful about two people coming together to give, and not just to receive. There is something powerful and exciting about sharing all you are with one person and having them for yourselves alone.

For those who have already had sex before marriage, this is for you too. I am not condemning you but actually offering you the real deal. You have been given imitation, the “el-cheapo” version of sex which in the end will cost you alot. It is proven those who wait on sex have better sex than those who don’t. So if you have already had sex I believe God can and will restore all those who ask for forgiveness. Sex is important to God, it is holy, and it is sacred.

Only God can give real sex, great sex, beautiful sex, and above all intimacy. So next time you feel a craving for sex, offered sex, asked for sex, or whatever else drives you to hook up, think about what your missing out on. Think about all the people who had you before your spouse and all the people you will compare him/her too.

To be frank I will have no one to compare my husband too and I am glad. He shouldn’t have competition in the bedroom, and he will thank me for it.

I read an article by Steven Crowder who waited for sex till his wedding night and so did his wife. They were both virgins. He said it was perfect and everyone told him it would be lame and awkward. Well if you have never had sex before how would you know unless you have watched sex scenes or what not that you had “bad sex”. I heard one person say “We probably had really lousy sex but we didn’t know it. We were pure and in love.”

So there ya go, you make the decision. I choose the hot, steamy, shame-free, beautiful, intimate, God honoring kind of sex. I will post soon on how to save yourself physically, emotionally, and spiritually for sex, but for now choose. Pray and ask God to show you how beautiful sex really is, for He will. You are worth the wait and a man or woman who truly loves you with God’s love will ask you to wait too. I truly believe the hottest women are the ones men cannot access at free will and must be waited for. A real man will desire you but will not arouse you and take one of the most precious gifts you have to offer.

God bless you guys, comment, like, and share 🙂


A virgin excited about real sex

He had the key!

     “Put Your hand upon my heart, I wanna feel again..put Your hand upon my heart…forgive me for neglecting Your heart, forgive me for neglecting mine..fascinate me, and captivate me. Capture my affections too.”

Misty Edwards coined these words and they say exactly what my heart is saying and will always be saying.  As humans we love to feel, we love to experience. We want the thrill of love and adventure. We want the joy of being accepted and adored. We want to know someone is passionate about us. Everything about us.

As a Christian I have tried incessantly day and night to find that passion and that love in Jesus. I have found it and I have pursued it like a mad woman. I want to touch Him, to hear Him, and to know Him as deep as possible. At that time I listened to whatever I could get my hands on about Him and listened to worship music all the time. I read my Bible almost everyday and night to learn of Him. Off and on I would slow up on seeking Him for whatever reason and I would find myself quite thirsty for Him. Jesus had been the only man I ever cared for except for a few crushes, which never went anywhere. I had fell in love with Him and saw His passion for me too. But in one of those times of slowing up and enduring a heart wrenching time in my life I found myself quite needy again. Needy. Vulnerable. Hungry for excitement. Hungry to live again.It’s during these times we look for a solace, a hiding place, a refuge, and a counselor to tell us, “Hey, everything is going to be okay. I understand. I’m here.”

During one of those times I just ‘happened’ to become friends with a nice young man . He loved God deeply, he was handsome, and he made me laugh. We became close friends and every day the feelings became deeper and deeper. It was kind of like a shot of Novocaine against a painful root canal. The pain I felt was not as painful with his phone calls and texts. It was something I looked forward to and treasured. But when you are vulnerable is not the time to run to anyone, especially someone you are attracted too. It is time to run to God. I found myself feeling dependent on someone to meet a need only Jesus can fill and I didn’t even mean to. You can make someone an idol real quick if you do not stay focused completely on Christ. This was a huge learning time for me because I had never cared about someone so much in my entire life besides Jesus. For you guys out there, a girl loves deeply and that is why it is so dangerous for us to get romantically involved at ALL. In a friendship it takes more than one person to protect the heart of the other. Girls you must guard your own heart. 

After many weeks of cloud nine emotional experiences ( I am a romantic at heart), God began to speak to me and He revealed to me that my heart was not completely His. I had given a piece away without even realizing it. We need to save our hearts and let God have the key. The greatest commandment is to love the Lord your God with ALL your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength.

I was allowing someone to hold the key to my heart. God should have been that someone. 

After much prayer and tears, God told me it was time to cut it off for awhile and get my heart back. I was too prideful at that moment to tell the young man fully why I felt we needed to not talk awhile, for I was afraid he would not understand. I was foolish. I thought that would settle everything by saying good bye for a time but it didn’t. When you set your heart on someone and then realize there not there you will grieve.

I grieved on the inside and I felt like someone had died. My heart had set her treasure on someone who was indeed special, but not Jesus. I became angry because it seemed as if I couldn’t get my heart back. I wanted to be free and I wanted to forget.

The reason I have barred open my heart with you is because I want you to guard your heart. I have never, besides a few other life experiences, ever dealt with so much fear, anger, hurt, confusion, shame, and regret. Why? Because I felt like I had left my First love. Jesus has been faithful to me. He has been constant and no man as proven His love for me like Him. It takes a real man or woman to realize no one must take the place of Jesus and to keep Him in that place. He will not share our hearts with another. He is a jealous Lover.

It is one thing to fall in love with Jesus but another thing to stay in love with Him and be faithful to Him. He must be our first love not our second. Save your heart for your mate for out of the heart flows the issues of life, believe ye me.

Develop friendships with a non-flirty attitude. You have no right to pursue someone even remotely without God’s say so. Ask God for wisdom and learn to have self control. Talking on the phone alot is not wise, but this has to be a matter of prayer for your own life.

If you find someone else has the key, get it back by surrendering completely to God that person and your feelings. It works but not over night! Live a life of worship and God will heal your heart like He has and is mine. God brought you to it and He will get you through it. Do NOT condemn yourself, God led you to this wilderness. Let Him bring you out.
I love you guys!!! Message me if you have any questions or testimonies!

God bless you,







Where’s my Prince Charming?

Hey ladies! It has been two months since my last post and God has really been dealing with me about many things! All fear is is lies from Satan and as we know lies are not true. Yet they are easier to believe than the truth! I started believing lies like, that I wasn’t going to like the man God has for me and that my dreams will not come true. I felt so foolish for giving into these lies yet I couldn’t seem to break free! I poured my heart out before God and cried a long and pitiful sob I now laugh at, haha. I am so glad God is so patient with us, and that Jesus understands everything we feel! As I was praying for God to calm my heart I remembered a revelation the Lord had given me weeks ago. It was from the passage of scripture in Psalms 34:10, “The young lions do lack,  and suffer hunger: but the (woman) that seeks the LORD shall not lack any good thing.” I looked in my concordance and the Hebrew word behind for “thing” in that verse also means good man or woman! How powerful is that? There was two things  I was dealing with. One was fear. Fear is a demonic spirit that tempts us doubt God’s goodness and His Word. Satan is the father of lies and he can never tell the truth! I had to rebuke this spirit in Jesus name and speak the Word of God over my life! When the enemy came against Jesus in the wilderness Jesus used the Word of God against him. The Bible is a weapon use it! My second problem was that I had got behind on spending time with Him, and when that happens things get very rough! The enemy is going to come against us with certain lies and we must know what God says about our future and our past. His Word promises us that those who seek Him shall not lack any good thing nor a good man or woman! The Bible says perfect love casts out fear, well I pray for God to perfect our  love for Him and confidence in Him! This comes by spending more and more times in the secret place with Him. In the secret place my eyes are opened to His plan and I know what they are ( Jeremiah 29:11). I may not know the plans He has for me or precisely the man He has for me, but oh He does!!! That changes everything 🙂 The Lord will provide for you a prince and you must pray for him, and prepare for him! Keep seeking Jesus and fall more and more in love with Him! This is warfare. The only way to win against the enemy is intimacy with Jesus and the Word of God! We must use the weapons of warfare that have been given to us! Jesus is that weapon and every devil in Hell trembles at the sound of His name! So rise up woman of God and tell the devil whose boss. You have authority in the name of Jesus because you bear that name! Smile gorgeous, Jesus loves you passionately and He will not fail you! “The Lord will perfect that which concerneth me…forsake not the works of Thine own hands”, this is what Psalms 138:8 says and it means God is perfecting your situation and your man! Trust Him, He is faithful! Abba always gives the best to His girls! Lean on your Beloved, He goes before you and prepares the way! Praying for you lady in waiting!

with love in Christ,

Nell 🙂


Psalms 34:10, Psalms 138:8, 139:16-18

Your Boaz is coming ;)

Hey ladies, it’s been forever since I wrote but God has given me something for you today! Over the past two months God has been speaking to me on being a virtuous woman and preparing myself for marriage. Most of desire to be married someday but we have been taught that to find a prince we must kiss a bunch of frogs, or we won’t find our knight in shining armor. Wrong. As a Christian single I went to the Lord about this and there was one woman distinctly who kissed no frogs before marriage and her prince noticed. Her name was Ruth the moabitess. She had been widowed at a young age, and all she had left was her mother in law. Naomi her mother in law wanted to go back to Bethlehem where there was plenty of food for everyone. Ruth went along with her into an unknown place knowing she might never marry again and that she might be rejected by the people. Naomi had a relative named Boaz, a wealthy, handsome and godly man who had fields where they could glean for leftover barley and wheat. Ruth told Naomi that she was going to glean in the fields but she knew nothing of this Boaz, she just “happened” to be gleaning in his field, trying to provide for her and Naomi. Boaz saw this hardworking, beautiful stranger in his field and asked around who she was. Boaz took great interest in her, he watched over her, and even asked her eat with him, but Ruth kept her eyes on God and her job. Let’s stop here for a minute. Think about this, Ruth paid no attention to Boaz she was Focused. God led her Boaz’s field, brought him into her life but she remained diligent to her task, she didn’t chase Boaz, she was secure and content as a single woman, she was trusting in her God. Boaz noticed this too. A man loves it when a woman doesn’t chase, he likes a challenge, he was made to pursue. The Lord showed me that we must be focused on Him, working in the fields seeking first the Kingdom of God, because we are being prepared for our husbands. Dating does not prepare you for marriage it prepares you for divorce, wait on God to send your Boaz, it will be worth it. So as the story goes on Ruth keeps working and waiting for God. At the end of the harvest Boaz tells Ruth that he has seen and heard how that she is a virtuous woman, how she has taken care of Naomi and have not pursued young men. He said to her, you are more beautiful and good now then when you first came! While working on those fields for God she grew into the woman Boaz desired for a wife. Ladies, Jesus wants to prepare us and make us into the woman He wants for our Boaz. He wants us to seek Him first and love Him, because how we treat Him is how we will treat our Boaz. Only God can send your Boaz, and He will only send him when your ready! Wait and prepare, and you will be blessed beyond your imagination:)

References: Ruth, Matthew 6:33, Jeremiah 27:5

I love you! Keep seeking your heavenly Prince 🙂


The body of a woman

The body of a woman. The most idolized and prostituted thing in our culture. In many of our commercials we are pictured in them with barley enough clothes on to keep a bird alive and that if you buy the product advertised you will draw many women to you. There was a time when the body of a woman was a sacred thing, she was only unveiled before the eyes of her husband, only He could drink in her beauty. Now women are sold at a cheap price not just on tv or the Internet but we have given our bodies away to every eye that is laid on us. We dress to attract but we have dressed the wrong way! Most men respect a woman who is covered up and is dressed attractively and that awakens him to protect her and befriend her. But if a woman has exposed all her goods and leaves nothing for the imagination a man senses her desire for attention and she may not know it but she has appealed to him on a sexual level. We have sometimes unknowingly approached men on a sexual level, they go by what they see and when they see you approach them on that level in attire and attitude they prompted by their lust to undress you instead of protect you.
If we approach men with an uncovered body and that is all they are drawn to, one day when everything begins to droop wrinkle and fall we will no longer appeal to them and they will tell us, so long. A good man will not pursue an immodest woman. If we dress like trash we will draw trash. A godly woman doesn’t appeal to a godly man just physically but mainly spiritually. It was said of the virtuous woman that strength and honor were her clothing. She was a strong woman, she knew who she was and didn’t need attention from men to feel strong. Honor, She demanded it, she was a woman of dignity, a godly woman and everyone knew it. You get what you demand, don’t expect a guy to respect you if ur dressed immodestly, he won’t. Showing cleavage appeals to a man sexually, men were made to desire us women but if we awaken that desire before marriage, they become frustrated. Right now we should appeal to men spiritually and dress to demand respect and honor. One night after you have said ur vows and He has put a wedding ring on ur finger u can appeal to him, but now is NOT the time. Don’t unwrap urself, leave ur future husband something to look forward to, don’t give urself away piece by piece. Ask urself, do I want a godly man to be drawn to me just physically or do I want him to love me for my heart first? A beautiful woman is beautiful because she belongs to God and knows she only needs His attention. We need no mans attention, men don’t like needy attention starved women. They are drawn to stable, strong women who know who they are. Don’t dress to impress but dress to show men you don’t need their attention and that will cause him to pursue u. Dress to impress Jesus, ask Him what is okay to wear! A godly woman is focused on Christ and her clothes will show that! Keep the candy wrapped ladies, ur husband will thank you:)

Verses: Proverbs 31, 1 Timothy 2:9-10, 1 Peter 3:3-5

God bless~ Nell